The Advice from A Father Which Helped Me during my time as a Brand-New Father

"I believe I was simply just surviving for the first year."

One-time Made In Chelsea cast member Ryan Libbey thought he would to cope with the difficulties of being a father.

But the truth soon proved to be "very different" to his expectations.

Life-threatening health complications around the birth saw his partner Louise admitted to hospital. Abruptly he was pushed into becoming her chief support as well as looking after their newborn son Leo.

"I was doing each nighttime feed, every change… each outing. The job of both mum and dad," Ryan explained.

Following nearly a year he became exhausted. That was when a chat with his parent, on a park bench, that made him realise he couldn't do it alone.

The direct words "You're not in a healthy space. You need support. In what way can I support you?" created an opening for Ryan to express himself truthfully, seek support and find a way back.

His situation is not uncommon, but rarely discussed. Although society is now better used to addressing the strain on mums and about PND, not enough is spoken about the difficulties dads face.

'It's not weak to request support'

Ryan believes his challenges are symptomatic of a broader inability to open up amongst men, who continue to internalise harmful perceptions of manhood.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the rock that just takes the pounding and stays upright time and again."

"It's not a sign of being weak to ask for help. I failed to do that soon enough," he explains.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert who studies mental health surrounding childbirth, says men frequently refuse to acknowledge they're struggling.

They can believe they are "not the right person to be seeking help" - most notably in preference to a new mother and infant - but she highlights their mental well-being is just as important to the family.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad offered him the chance to take a respite - taking a few days overseas, separate from the domestic setting, to gain perspective.

He came to see he required a shift to consider his and his partner's emotional states as well as the logistical chores of caring for a newborn.

When he opened up to Louise, he realised he'd overlooked "what she longed for" -holding her hand and hearing her out.

Self-parenting

That realisation has reshaped how Ryan perceives fatherhood.

He's now penning Leo regular notes about his feelings as a dad, which he aspires his son will look at as he matures.

Ryan thinks these will assist his son better understand the vocabulary of emotional life and interpret his parenting choices.

The idea of "reparenting" is something musician Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since having his son Slimane, who is now four.

As a child Stephen did not have reliable male a father figure. Despite having an "wonderful" relationship with his dad, profound trauma meant his father struggled to cope and was "in and out" of his life, affecting their bond.

Stephen says suppressing feelings caused him to make "terrible choices" when in his youth to modify how he felt, finding solace in alcohol and substances as a way out from the hurt.

"You turn to things that are harmful," he notes. "They can short-term modify how you feel, but they will eventually cause more harm."

Advice for Managing as a First-Time Parent

• Share with someone - if you're feeling overwhelmed, tell a friend, your partner or a professional about your state of mind. Doing so may to lighten the load and make you feel less isolated.
• Maintain your passions - continue with the activities that allowed you to feel like you before becoming a parent. It could be playing sport, seeing friends or playing video games.
• Pay attention to the body - nutritious food, getting some exercise and when you can, resting, all contribute in how your mental state is faring.
• Spend time with other parents in the same boat - listening to their experiences, the challenges, and also the good ones, can help to normalise how you're feeling.
• Understand that asking for help is not failure - prioritising your own well-being is the optimal method you can support your household.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen naturally found it hard to accept the death, having had no contact with him for a long time.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's determined not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his own son and instead offer the safety and emotional guidance he did not receive.

When his son threatens to have a tantrum, for example, they try "shaking the feelings out" together - managing the emotions constructively.

Both Ryan and Stephen explain they have become better, healthier men since they confronted their pain, changed how they express themselves, and figured out how to manage themselves for their children.

"I'm better… dealing with things and managing things," explains Stephen.

"I expressed that in a message to Leo recently," Ryan says. "I said, at times I feel like my role is to teach and advise you what to do, but in reality, it's a exchange. I am discovering just as much as you are through this experience."